So I have seen all the films that Marvel produced under their ‘Avengers’ banner and- they were average. Last weekend I saw Avengers: Age of Ultron and it didn’t impress me much. Well the usual funny one-liners are there, so is an incredibly attractive cast but there is nothing new. Sure the weapons are more advanced, the explosions are bigger, the suits are better but there is nothing deep in it.
People have this conception that a superhero movie doesn’t need to be emotional- that exotic locations, endless action and an average plot are enough for making a superhero movie. And those people would be right. But think about a superhero movie that did have emotions- The Dark Knight series by Christopher Nolan.
Now compare it with every other superhero film you have seen. You get my point? So here are 10 lessons that I think Marvel should learn to make their film-making better:
- Don’t kill a character that people don’t give a shit about:
Spoilers: So at the end of Avengers: Age of Ultron one of the new Avengers is conveniently killed to fuel the other avengers. Just like how Agent Phil Coulson died to fuel the Avengers in the first film.
- If you do kill a character, don’t fucking bring him back to life:
When you kill a character in The Vampire Diaries or Supernatural and they come back to life, it makes sense. These are shows that have plot-lines that are constantly teetering on the edge of life and death. Even in Sherlock,he actually FAKED his death so bringing him back made sense. Off course bringing back Moriarty has raised some questions in my head but we will have to wait for Season 4 to resolve them.
- Don’t repeat things!
This goes with simple things like a 360 degree shot of Times Square that I see in every single superhero movies to the whole heroine gets kidnapped by the villian and so hero kills villians in order to save her. Here’s the thing- you are an enormously wealthy organization which has the resources and talent to actually take some risks! Then fucking take them! Don’ follow the same old rusted formula of making a blockbuster, make a genuinely good film for once.
- Don’t put in female characters just to make dicks hard
Look at this:
Does she look mildly formidable? Does she look like she can take on the villian? Does she look like she can save the world?
Now THAT’S a woman I don’t want to mess with!
- Stop relying on just humour and action:
I know there are people out there who will pay $100 to watch a toothpaste if it is manufactured by Marvel. There are also people like me who enjoy being entertained by action and comedy but expect a bit more. Off course there should be emotions but can you at least give us something more than sarcastic, half-heartedly recited one-liners? Can you give us some clever actions and not just bang-bang-bang? For action inspiration watch any Jakie Chan movie made specifically in Hing Kong. For comedy watch Inside Amy Schumer and not Seth McFarlane shows!
- Stop proclaiming that your films are feminist.
Hey Marvel here’s the thing- you create shitty female characters, give them almost no depth, put them in skimpy clothing, give them the fight scenes that look like graceful dance moves and then you expect women to find it empowering. Well we will decide what we find empowering, individually. You do not have to tell us what we should/should not do collectively. That is the exact definition of a patriarchy.
You take conventionally attractive actresses, cast them as conventionally attractive characters and then have the audacity to call yourselves ‘feminists’. Let them take on the big villian, even if they die doing it. Let them lead the group for once. Let them be the impulsive, reckless ones. Why does Black Widow have to be the emotional core of the group when Hawkeye gets the mind-blowing stunts. Why is Black Widow called a slut for having feelings for one Avenger, but Tony Stark is never held accountable for sleeping with everyone? Is it necessary for Agent Hill to bark orders in high heels?
Hey if you’re going to make a mainstream superhero flick with American Pie mentally and if the audience are willing to accept- making it the second highest grossing movie ever then it’s okay with me. But at least don’t shamelessly call yourself ‘feminists’.
- Give us female villians!
No I’m not talking about the conventional ones- the once that are attractive, intelligent, will-kill-you-in-your-sleep-after-sex villian. Give us a female villian with depth- someone who cries but also kills mercilessly, someone who is caring towards her children put slices people vertically, someone who is hungry for power but not for selfish reasons. Give her a tragic backstory, give her a developing arc, give her a reasonable motive, give us a villian with a philosophy and you will see the audience rooting for her instead of the good guys. For inspirations see Amy Dunne from Gone Girl
and Azula from Avataar: The Legend of Aang (that’s a fucking cartoon on Nickelodeon and it has better characters, plot-lines and action sequences than any of your superhero movies, shame on you Marvel)
Also look at how adorable Kristen Stewart looks as Loki! Awww!
- Give us a Black Widow movie:
And please don’t treat her like a piece of shit!
- You did a great job with Bruce Banner’s character arc, now do that with everybody.
Look Marvel here’s the thing- I ACTUALLY LIKE THE AVENGERS. I do! I think all of them are hilarious, and smart and full of potential. They’re endearing characters individually but when you put them together- only Iron Man seems to be in the lead. He’s not even the character with the most interesting story, that would be Captain America!
He’s also not the character with the best skills, that would be Hawkeye! He also doesn’t have the best body, that would be Thor! Then why is he EVERYWHERE? Bruce Banner went through incredible character development- please do that to everyone’s character.
- Stop adding more people to your cast
Do you know why I gave up watching Game of Thrones after the third season? Because I couldn’t keep up with all the new faces on the show. The old characters that I had grown attached to receded to the background and these new character I knew nothing about took their empty space. Instead of bringing in more people why not explore more dimensions with the same old people? Huh?
Now that I’ve ranted about what I didn’t like, tell me put into gifs all my favourite moments:
So all in all, take some risks Marvel!